S.D.Buhl

I’m finished. I have a publication date set, and on August 29, 2017, The Order of Memory will be available on Amazon.

I’m pretty damn happy about that. I am so happy for more than just the act of publishing, but what came with it.

Just a few months ago, I was struggling with my workouts. My leg didn’t want to respond to me. (This happens with MS.) But, you know what–I didn’t give up. Though, I had moments where I’d cry because I was so pissed off that my body wasn’t listening to me. But, little by little it’s gotten better. I started on the treadmill with walking slowly, and forcing my left leg to walk as it should. It took me about a month to get that leg back to ‘normal’ and I’m proud to say for the last week I’ve hit the treadmill every day, and done our regular workouts. Today, I ran some of my time on the treadmill at 6mph.

What does this have to do with publishing another book? Well, I attribute this to that mental step each of us has to take to get past the thing that is “blocking” us. I know for myself, if I were to let myself give in or wallow in the place of not being able to do what I once did, I’d give up. But, in my personality, I can’t do that. I have to finish what I started, and I have to push myself to do more.

I went through a time, where I forgot to be that way, but writing has switched that back on in me. By writing, and publishing my books, I’ve turned on the part in my brain that says, “You did it. You CAN do it, and there is nothing stopping you from doing it again, except yourself.”

The same thoughts now apply to my working out. I’m pretty damn stubborn, so I’ve been known to be the kind of person that will push and continue doing something until I reach what needs to be reached. As a kid, I wanted to do the “Live Long and Prosper” hand sign, because I loved Star Trek. So, I kept pushing my fingers, and getting myself to do it. You know, looking back on it, I realize I can get a bit obsessive when it comes down to it. But, I don’t think in this way, that’s a bad thing. I get obsessive with learning, and achieving more. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not meaning that I have to obsess about being the best in that I need to be better than others. It’s because I want to be a better me than I was before. Life is all about learning and growing as the human beings we are meant to be. I am not going to waste my life worrying or fretting over things.

When I had those crying moments during workouts–when I felt like I was defeated because I couldn’t even move my leg because it felt like it wasn’t attached to me–I stopped. I took a moment in the bathroom, and cried. Then I looked at myself in the mirror and said, “Okay, you had your moment. You felt it. You wallowed for the last minute, and now you’re going to buck it up and get back out there and try again. Every little bit gets you closer to your goal.”

I’ve had that same mindset with writing. Because, you know what? I had moments where I felt like I just wanted to stop. I felt like I had written myself into a rut. But, I said the same thing to myself then. “Buck up, you candy ass.” I don’t know why candy ass is the name I give myself, but it happens. But, when I saw it happening, I did my self talk then, too. I said, “don’t get in such a pity party.” And, I didn’t coddle myself. I won’t coddle myself and fall into that trap. So, just as I trained my little fingers to form the Vulcan salutation, i made myself sit at this computer and just type. I typed, and I typed, and I typed.

And, it seems like when you do start pushing for the universe to bend to your creative will, you get smacked on your ass… but you just keep getting back up, and I did.

Then, a story unfolded that really felt awesome to write and I can’t wait to share it on August 29!